Sexuality and Affectivity in Autistic People: A Necessary Reflection

Talking about sexuality and affectivity in autistic people means addressing an area that is both delicate and fundamental to human life. The webinar led by Dr. Guido Leonti offers a valuable lens through which to understand how this topic—often overlooked—is instead central in the growth, autonomy, and well-being of every individual, including and especially those who are neurodivergent.

The Risk of Invisibility

One of the most powerful messages emerging from the webinar concerns a recurring risk: in attempting to care for autistic individuals, we often end up “desexualizing” them—as if neurodivergence erased their desires, their need for intimacy, their relational potential, or their ability to pursue emotional and romantic projects.

The metaphor of the public bathroom sign—where the disability symbol replaces traditional gendered symbols—illustrates how disability is often treated as the person’s only identity, overshadowing their gender, emotions, and sexuality.

And yet puberty comes, needs emerge, and silence does not protect. On the contrary, it risks turning into loneliness, misunderstandings, or disorganized behaviors.

Why Talk About It? Between Fears, Stereotypes, and “Useful” Suffering

Many obstacles around this topic stem from uncomfortable emotions: embarrassment, fear of “awakening” dormant interests, or worries about exposing the person to rejection or emotional pain. The webinar invites us to reconsider these emotions, distinguishing between:

• useless suffering, which overwhelms and does not help the person grow;

• useful suffering, which becomes an opportunity for development, self-awareness, and personal growth.

Avoiding the entire topic of relationships and sexuality may feel protective, but it risks depriving the person of essential opportunities for autonomy and self-determination. Talking about affection, desire, consent, and relationships is not a “danger”—it is a right.

Sexuality as a Cross-Cutting Dimension of Quality of Life

The approach presented in the webinar aligns with Schalock and Verdugo’s model of quality of life: self-determination, interpersonal relationships, emotional well-being, and rights cannot be fully understood if the intimate and emotional sphere is excluded.

Thus, planning a path toward autonomy—whether in work, housing, or social life—without including relational skills, boundaries, privacy, courtship, and emotional management means building only half of the person’s life project.

Normalizing Our Perspective: The Educational Approach

Dr. Leonti proposes an important cultural shift: we shouldn’t try to normalize the person, but rather normalize our way of seeing them.Autistic individuals do not have fewer desires or less ability to love—they often have fewer opportunities, fewer tools, and less education on these topics.

This is why a two-track educational approach becomes essential:

1. Strengthening Skills and Strategies

Educational objectives may include:

• distinguishing between public and private spaces;

• expressing interest respectfully;

• understanding consent, limits, and social cues;

• knowing one’s own body and sexual response.

An emblematic case is masturbation in inappropriate contexts: working only to eliminate the behavior—without teaching privacy, bodily knowledge, or appropriate contexts—risks sending the message that sexuality itself is a “problem,” rather than a natural part of life that requires awareness and boundaries.

2. Limiting Dysfunctional Behaviors

The same strategies recommended by clinical guidelines (ABA, modeling, skill training, psychoeducation) can be applied to socio-sexual education, avoiding punitive approaches and focusing on teaching functional skills.

Rights and Protection: What Research Says

Since 1993, the UN has recognized the right of all people with disabilities to love, be loved, experience sexuality, and—if they choose—build a family.And in 2006, the WHO reaffirmed that sexual health is an integral part of overall health.

Yet research still shows that autistic individuals:

• receive less sexual education;

• have fewer peer interactions;

• lack access to informal learning opportunities about courtship, boundaries, and social cues;

• are at greater risk of misunderstandings or boundary violations.

This highlights the need for structured, accessible, and tailored educational pathways.

Incidental vs. Curricular Sexual Education

Sexual and affective education can be approached in two ways:

• incidentally, when a specific behavior or question arises;

• curricularly, through a structured, gradual program beginning in early childhood, addressing early prerequisites such as theory of mind, emotional recognition, bodily awareness, and appropriate social contact.

Reynolds’ pyramid—cited during the webinar—shows how healthy sexuality is the result of many skills developed over years, not a single lesson delivered in adolescence.

Who Should Be Involved? A Conscious Support Network

The responsibility cannot fall on a single person.Teachers, educators, therapists, and psychologists must work together—while also allowing parents to take a step back when the topic is emotionally overwhelming.

At the same time, professionals must be aware of the emotions that the topic triggers in them. Supervision, training, and team discussion are essential tools for working effectively and respectfully.

What Topics Can Be Addressed?

The webinar highlights several key areas:

• recognizing emotions and desire;

• changes during puberty;

• masturbation and privacy;

• consent and boundaries;

• courtship and relationships;

• STI and pregnancy prevention;

• recognizing abuse.

These complex themes must be handled with accessible language, concrete examples, and visual or behavioral tools when needed.

Conclusion: A Risk Worth Taking

The final message is clear: talking about sexuality and affectivity with autistic people is neither a luxury nor a danger.It is an act of care.It is a way to accompany the person toward a fuller, more conscious, more self-directed life.It transforms potential suffering into meaningful growth, shared understanding, and dignity.

Neglecting this area means taking away a crucial part of human experience.Including it means recognizing that neurodivergent people, too, desire love, intimacy, pleasure, and reciprocity—and that every person has the right to explore these safely and with support.

WEBINAR_ SEXUALITY AND AFFECTIVITY IN PEOPLE WITH AUTISM.pdf

Download PDF • 905KB