How Self-Esteem Develops: A Comparison of the Main Psychological Theories

Article written in collaboration with @taniacatasso_psicologa

Introduction

We talk about self-esteem all the time, often as if it were a quality you either have or don't. Psychological research describes it instead as a complex construct that forms through relationships, changes across the lifespan, and can be understood from very different perspectives. In this article I review the main theories and the most recent empirical evidence.

What Is Self-Esteem?

In psychology, self-esteem is the subjective evaluation a person makes of their own worth. Rosenberg (1965) defined it as a global attitude, positive or negative, toward the self, and developed a measurement scale that remains among the most widely used instruments in research. The theories that follow do not always define it in the same way, but each highlights a different aspect: achievements, needs, relationships, and experiences of competence.

The Discrepancy Between Who We Are and Who We Would Like to Be

For James (1890), self-esteem depends on the ratio between our successes and our pretensions, that is, the expectations we hold about ourselves. We can therefore feel better either by increasing our achievements or by lowering our pretensions. This insight was later developed by Higgins (1987), who proposed that the distance between the actual self and the ideal and "ought" selves is associated with negative emotions: disappointment and sadness when we fall short of the ideal, anxiety and guilt when we fall short of our duties.

Self-Esteem as a Need

Maslow (1943) places esteem among the fundamental human needs and distinguishes two forms: esteem that comes from others (recognition, prestige) and esteem for oneself (confidence, competence, independence). His hierarchy has been widely discussed and criticized for the rigidity of its ordering of needs, but it remains influential for recognizing personal worth as a central motivation.

Acceptance and Congruence

In Rogers's (1959) humanistic perspective, a sense of self-worth develops when a person receives unconditional positive regard. When affection is instead made dependent on certain conditions, children tend to internalize "conditions of worth" and to detach their self-image from their actual experience. Healthy self-esteem is therefore linked to congruence, that is, the consistency between who one is and who one perceives oneself to be.

Self-Efficacy: Believing You Can Do It

Bandura (1977, 1997) introduced the concept of self-efficacy, the belief in one's ability to successfully handle specific tasks. The concept is distinct from self-esteem: the former concerns what we think we are able to do, the latter the worth we attribute to ourselves as persons. The two dimensions are nonetheless related. According to Bandura, the most powerful source of self-efficacy is direct mastery experiences, including those in which we learn from failure.

Roots in Upbringing

Coopersmith (1967) studied the family factors associated with self-esteem in children. The parents of children with high self-esteem tended to be warm, to set clear and consistent rules, and to respect their children's individuality. He also identified four sources of self-esteem: significance (feeling loved), competence, virtue (adherence to ethical values), and power (the ability to influence others).

The Six Pillars

Branden (1994) defines self-esteem as confidence in one's ability to cope with life's challenges and in one's right to be happy. He describes it as the result of six practices: living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully, and personal integrity. This is a less experimental and more practice-oriented model, often used in popular and personal development contexts.

The Sociometer

Sociometer theory offers an evolutionary perspective: self-esteem would function as an internal gauge of the degree to which we are accepted or rejected by others (Leary et al., 1995). Because group belonging has been crucial to the survival of our species, a drop in self-esteem would signal the risk of exclusion and motivate us to repair our relationships (Leary & Baumeister, 2000). From this standpoint, self-esteem is less a goal to pursue and more a signal to interpret.

What the Research Says: Development and Effects

Longitudinal studies show that self-esteem changes across the lifespan. In a review, Orth and Robins (2014) report that self-esteem is relatively high in childhood, declines during adolescence, increases gradually throughout adulthood to a peak around age 50–60, and tends to decline in old age.

As for its effects, the picture is nuanced. Baumeister et al. (2003) concluded that high self-esteem does not by itself cause better academic or job performance, nor healthier behaviors, while it is associated with greater happiness and initiative. Later studies, based on large samples and longitudinal designs, have instead indicated that self-esteem moderately but significantly predicts important life outcomes, such as relationships, occupational success, and health (Orth et al., 2012; Orth & Robins, 2022). The debate therefore mainly concerns the size and causal direction of these effects.

Contingent Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion

Self-esteem based on achievements, approval, or physical appearance can be fragile. Crocker and Wolfe (2001) speak of "contingencies of self-worth": when one's worth depends on specific domains, every failure in those domains becomes a threat. Neff (2003) proposed self-compassion as an alternative healthy attitude toward the self, because it does not require feeling better than others and is less tied to outcomes. It consists of self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Conclusions

The theories do not exclude one another; they complement each other. Self-esteem is shaped by how we evaluate ourselves against our ideals (James, Higgins), by how we have been loved and accepted (Rogers, Coopersmith), by experiences of competence (Bandura), and by the quality of our current relationships (Leary). For this reason there is no shortcut: working on self-esteem means acting on several levels, from the expectations we hold for ourselves to the way we relate to others.

References

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