Gender Pedagogy: How Differentiated Education Shapes Psychological Development

Article written in collaboration with @aapertamente 

Introduction

The idea that boys and girls are raised differently based on their gender is not merely a theoretical provocation: it is a fact extensively documented by pedagogical and psychological research. From the mid-twentieth century onward, scholars from various disciplines began questioning how much of what is called "typically male" or "typically female" behaviour was truly biologically determined, and how much was instead the product of systematic cultural pressures, transmitted from the very first days of life.

One of the clearest and earliest voices on this topic is that of Elena Gianini Belotti, an Italian educator who in 1973 published Dalla parte delle bambine ("On the Side of the Girls"), a work that was to profoundly influence the debate on gender education. Gianini Belotti (1973) describes with precision how the family and school environment constructs radically different expectations for the two sexes, shaping not only behaviours but the very psychological structures of children.

Origins: Differentiated Education Begins Before Birth

Research shows that gender expectations are activated even before the child comes into the world. Already during pregnancy, knowing the sex of the unborn child shapes parental expectations, the colours chosen for the nursery, the toys purchased, and even the tone in which one speaks to the foetus. Bem (1993) called this phenomenon the "gender lens": a cultural framework through which every piece of information relating to the child is filtered and interpreted.

From birth onward, the process intensifies. Gianini Belotti (1973) documents how female infants are held for shorter periods than males, comforted less frequently, and stimulated with toys that emphasise care and aesthetics. From this perspective, parents tend to take for granted that girls must grow up quickly and become "caring subjects" rather than "objects of care." Male children, by contrast, are encouraged to autonomously explore their own bodies and the surrounding world, often through messages that invoke their potential to be active agents in reality. These are not mere details: they are the building blocks with which the perception of self and others is constructed.

Fine (2010) analysed with scientific rigour the neurological bases of these differences, concluding that most of the supposed "natural" differences between male and female brains are in fact the product of an environment that treats the two sexes differently from infancy. The infant brain is extremely plastic and malleable, and responds to the expectations that surround it.

The Role of Reference Adults: Micro-Messages and Macro-Effects

One of the most insidious aspects of differentiated gender pedagogy is that it takes place largely unconsciously. Parents, teachers, and caregivers do not deliberately choose to transmit stereotyped messages: they replicate them, because they were in turn shaped by the same models. Connell (1995) spoke in this context of "hegemonic masculinity" to describe the set of social norms that, within a patriarchal system, define what it means to be a man and which behaviours are considered legitimate or desirable. These are often implicit rules, embedded in everyday practices and presented as neutral, which shape gender relations and are transmitted from generation to generation. The intergenerational pervasiveness of these social norms is visible from childhood itself, as the author of Dalla parte delle bambine argued: the idea of a superior man and an inferior, submissive, and servile woman begins to shape the idea that boys and girls have of their own gender and, consequently, of their place in society. It will therefore come as no surprise to see a girl devoting herself to caring for her doll rather than playing with building blocks, because adult role models have shown her, and those who care for her have taught her, that this, in the end, is her place.

It is precisely this widespread diffusion that contributes to reproducing over time hierarchies based on patriarchal ideals that govern not only male identities but the entire social order.

Psychological research shows that adults tend to describe the crying of male newborns as "anger" and that of female newborns as "fear" or "sadness," attributing different emotional intentions to children before they are even able to express themselves. Similarly, boys are interrupted less during play, allowed to explore larger spaces, and corrected in less anxious tones when they take physical risks. Girls, by contrast, are more often called back, supervised, corrected in their language and bodily behaviour, and interrupted in their activities to carry out tasks such as housecleaning or looking after younger siblings (Gianini Belotti, 1973). In this regard, an important issue arises: the tendency to prematurely adultify girls and deprive them of the right to childhood. The tendency to comfort female infants less and hold them less than their male counterparts already signals the beginning of adultification, since the adults responsible for care unconsciously expect girls to be independently capable of self-regulating their emotions and calming their behaviour from the earliest age. As girls grow, this tendency towards adultification becomes clearly visible when "little women" are asked to behave like mature women — for instance by performing domestic tasks and taking on family responsibilities — and even more so when these demands for accountability interrupt the girl's time for play and exploration. Gianini Belotti herself, in her text, states: "The games of girls that take place within the home are often interrupted, postponed, or denied so that they may help with household chores, whereas this rarely happens to boys, who are therefore left more time to play. While boys develop the conviction that they have a right to play, girls become persuaded that they have this right only once they have fulfilled their duty, which consists precisely in making themselves useful."

These daily micro-messages accumulate over time and become internalised identities. The boy learns that difficult emotions must be hidden and that, regardless of everything, he holds a certain social value. The girl, by contrast, learns that her body and behaviour are under constant observation and that her worth is, ultimately, tied to her capacity to make herself useful.

What Boys Learn, What Girls Learn

Through a gender-differentiated education, male children learn not to show fragility, to control or suppress emotions considered "weak" (sadness, fear, the need for comfort), to be competitive, to occupy physical, verbal, and symbolic space, and not to engage in caring activities. These are not spontaneous preferences: they are the result of systematic conditioning, often reinforced through ridicule or social sanction when a boy deviates from the expected model.

Girls, conversely, learn to be emotionally attentive and composed, to care for others, to take up little space and control their bodies, to please and be watched and judged, to be accommodating and not to cause disruption. Gianini Belotti (1973) observed fifty years ago how girls were systematically discouraged from asserting their opinions too strongly, from reacting forcefully to unjust situations. It is possible to observe how female individuals are subjected to a far more radical form of control — which later transforms into self-control once the transmitted norms have been internalised — compared to male individuals. This sense of being required to behave in a certain way, to be composed and take up little space, to move through the world in a fleeting and unobtrusive manner, can be observed today in the very numerous cases of psychiatric disorders related to body image, such as Eating Disorders and behaviours of body checking and body monitoring.

The result is a radical polarisation: boys are taught to be active, powerful, and impermeable; girls are taught to be passive, nurturing, and adaptable. But this polarisation enriches neither: it impoverishes both, excluding from each person's identity a fundamental part of the human experience.

Psychological Consequences in Adulthood

A gender-differentiated education does not remain confined to childhood: it sediments itself within the psychological structures of the adult, influencing, as already mentioned, mental health, relationships, and wellbeing. Clinical psychology has long recognised certain recurring patterns that find their roots precisely in these early learnings.

In men, the difficulty in asking for help, in recognising and verbalising one's own vulnerability, and in building intimate relationships based on emotional reciprocity is often directly traceable to the upbringing received in childhood. Lerner (1985) showed how anger is the only emotion socially permitted to men, while sadness, fear, and the need for comfort are suppressed from childhood onward, with significant consequences for relational life and mental health.

In women, the difficulties with self-assertion, the tendency to silence one's own needs, the difficulty in occupying space and feeling legitimated in saying no are equally recognisable traces of the upbringing received. Lerner (1985) also describes how women are systematically discouraged from expressing anger directly, leading them to develop indirect communication patterns that are ultimately unsustainable — all to avoid being labelled "hysterical."

Clinical psychology recognises these patterns as risk factors for anxiety disorders, depression, relational difficulties, and low self-esteem. These are not inevitable destinies, but predictable outcomes of an educational system that assigns each gender a rigid script to follow.

Towards an Education Free from Gender Cages

Recognising the mechanisms of a gender-differentiated pedagogy does not mean proposing an education that ignores differences or that treats children as individuals stripped of body and history. It means, rather, starting from the characteristics inherent in each person in order to shape an educational approach tailored to the individual — one that does not rely on the attribution of a given gender at birth and the expectations associated with it. And it means, above all, giving each child the possibility to be who they are, to be free.

Bem (1993) proposes, in this regard, the concept of "gender aschematicity": an educational approach in which gender is not the primary organising axis of the child's identity. In practice, this translates into broadening (rather than limiting or denying) the repertoire of behaviours, emotions, and roles considered acceptable for all children, regardless of sex.

As mental health professionals, we hold a privileged role in this process: we can help adults become aware of the messages they transmit, to recognise their own educational automatisms and to choose, where possible, a freer and more inclusive approach. This is not about revolutionising everything in a single day, but about beginning to ask questions: Why do I tell him not to cry? Why do I ask her to sit still? Beginning to question the small things of everyday life with children can generate enormous changes in the individual and societal life of the future.

Conclusions

Gender education is not an ideological issue: it is a concrete psychological and pedagogical matter, with measurable effects on people's wellbeing and development. The work of Gianini Belotti (1973), still surprisingly relevant, showed us fifty years ago what subsequent research has continued to confirm: the gender scripts we teach children do not protect them — they limit them.

Giving each child the same right to be fully themselves, with their own emotions, ambitions, and weaknesses, is not a pedagogical utopia. It is a necessary condition for healthy psychological development. And it begins with awareness: ours, as adults, even before theirs, as children.

References

Bem, S. L. (1993). The lenses of gender: Transforming the debate on sexual inequality. Yale University Press.

Connell, R. W. (1995). Masculinities. Polity Press.

Fine, C. (2010). Delusions of gender: How our minds, society, and neurosexism create difference. W. W. Norton & Company.

Gianini Belotti, E. (1973). Dalla parte delle bambine: L'influenza dei condizionamenti sociali nella formazione del ruolo femminile nei primi anni di vita. Feltrinelli.

Lerner, H. G. (1985). The dance of anger: A woman's guide to changing the patterns of intimate relationships. Harper & Row.

Notes

¹ The term "body checking" is used here to refer to a series of behaviours, often of an obsessive nature or associated with psychiatric disorders such as eating disorders, involving constant monitoring of one's appearance, body, and physical shape. The focus of monitoring typically concentrates on specific areas of the body, but may extend to the entire person through compulsive use of mirrors, checking clothing sizes, and/or recording one's weight multiple times per day.

² The term "body monitoring" is often used as a synonym for "body checking." In this article, however, it refers to a set of learned behaviours involving observation of one's own body, bearing, and posture in space. Here, "body monitoring" relates primarily to the constant attention paid to how one presents oneself in a given space, favouring behaviours associated with calmness, quietness, mildness, composure, or rigidity — traits socially considered to belong to the feminine domain. Body monitoring begins as an external practice, carried out by caregivers towards a child who must learn to "behave," before becoming part of individual proprioception through the process of internalising the gaze of others.