Adoption as Shared Growth Across Generations

Article written in collaboration with @simbolicamente_

Adoption represents a transformative process that involves the entire family system, taking shape as a pathway of shared growth across generations (Scabini & Cigoli, 2000). It is not a simple event, but a true family transition: a change that requires all family members to renegotiate relationships and roles in order to reestablish a new equilibrium. When a child arrives through adoption, each member of the system is called to face specific developmental tasks consistent with their life-cycle stage (Brodzinsky et al., 1998).

The adoptive transition implies profound modifications in relational patterns, as it introduces a different origin that must be integrated into the continuity of the family history. This process involves not only parents and child but also grandparents and the extended family, who become active participants in the creation of the adoptive pact (Scabini & Cigoli, 2000). This pact is the outcome of the encounter between the child’s past and the adoptive family’s past, a unique and unrepeatable combination of needs, expectations, and narratives.

Viewing adoption as intergenerational growth means recognizing that each generation contributes decisively to the child’s integration and well-being. Adoption becomes a bridge between stories—a place of mutual transformation where identities and relationships regenerate within a renewed emotional continuity.

Family Transition and Intergenerational Developmental Tasks

The term family transition refers to the processes of change a family system undergoes following significant events, such as the arrival of a new child (Carter & McGoldrick, 2005). This transition requires adaptation by all family members in order to restore family homeostasis. The adoptive transition is one of the most complex forms of reorganization, as it introduces not only a new member but also a pre-existing history and identity that must be integrated.

At the marital level, the couple must redefine meanings, expectations, and parenting competencies, building a shared foundation that supports the new relationship (Grotevant & McDermott, 2014). Couple cohesion represents an essential protective factor, offering continuity and security to the child during the initial adjustment phases. In this sense, the internal process of entitlement—feeling like full and legitimate parents—is crucial for embracing the parental role without ambivalence.

From a three-generational perspective, the adoptive transition also engages the parents’ family of origin, activating dynamics tied to value transmission, representations of lineage, and the capacity to include the adopted child within family continuity. The three generations must navigate distinct yet complementary developmental tasks, contributing to the creation of a coherent and emotionally welcoming environment.

Grandparents’ Developmental Tasks in the Adoptive Transition

Grandparents play a fundamental role in the three-generational balance, and their involvement in adoption carries particular and often underestimated nuances. One of their primary developmental tasks is to “step back,” making room for their adult children as they become parents, while maintaining confidence in the adoptive project (Scabini & Cigoli, 2000). This psychological and emotional shift is not always immediate, as it may reactivate personal memories related to their own parenting or family models tied to biological continuity.

A second crucial task is welcoming the child as a full member of the family line. Grandparents, as custodians of generational memory, facilitate the transmission of a family narrative that can provide containment and integration for the child (Prati & Pietrantoni, 2016). Their affectionate presence—often free from primary educational responsibilities—supports the development of a warm and safe bond, helping the child root themselves within their new belonging.

Finally, grandparents serve as an important resource for supporting the parental couple. Their emotional, logistical, and material support can reduce stress during the initial adoptive phase, contributing to a more serene and welcoming family climate. When grandparents acknowledge and validate the adoption, they act as amplifiers of belonging, facilitating the child’s integration within the entire family system.

Parents’ Developmental Tasks

For the couple, the arrival of an adopted child is deeply transformative. Their first developmental task is entitlement, meaning the full internalization and legitimacy of their parental identity, without feeling like "secondary parents" compared to the child’s previous history (Brodzinsky et al., 1998). This process includes reworking the motivations behind the adoption, past experiences of infertility if present, and expectations toward the relationship.

A second task concerns the construction of social adoption: supporting the child’s integration into educational, social, and community environments. The family must serve as a context that protects against potential stigma and promotes inclusion, fostering the emergence of a positive identity narrative (Palacios & Brodzinsky, 2010). This involves openly communicating about adoption, normalizing it, and weaving it naturally into the family story.

Finally, parents are called to recognize the child as a continuator of the family history, building a bridge between different origins. This requires valuing the child’s past rather than denying or replacing it, integrating narratives into a generative continuity. This work represents one of the deepest elements in constructing adoptive filiation.

The Child’s Developmental Tasks

For the adopted child or adolescent, the primary challenge concerns constructing personal identity: a complex journey that involves reclaiming and integrating their origins with their present (Grotevant, 1997). During adolescence, this task becomes even more salient as the search for roots becomes central to identity formation.

Another core task is the construction of adoptive filiation—the process of legitimizing the parents as one’s own. This is not instantaneous and may be accompanied by ambivalence, especially when the child has experienced loss or rejection. The parents’ ability to tolerate and accompany these ambivalences is decisive in strengthening the bond.

Finally, the child must recognize their belonging to the family’s history while maintaining awareness of their different origins. This is supported by shared narratives, relational coherence, and an open emotional climate. By integrating past and present, the child can construct a sense of self that embraces both continuity and transformation.

The Role of Stories in Building Emotional Bonds

Narration is a fundamental tool for building adoptive bonds, as it gives meaning to the experience and creates connections across generations (Schachter & Ben-Zvi-Assaraf, 2021). To narrate is to integrate; integration, in turn, grants the child a secure place within the family without denying their origin.

For parents, storytelling is an opportunity to recognize the child’s pre-adoptive history, honoring what came before and placing it within a broader relational framework. Transparent and age-appropriate communication about origins helps transform adoptive history into a resource rather than a source of silence or shame.

Grandparents also benefit from a clear and shared narrative, which helps them integrate the new member into the family genealogy. The creation of shared stories becomes a continuous process that supports identity, belonging, and relational cohesion.

Emotions in the Adoptive Transition

The adoptive transition involves a wide range of emotions. Parents may experience joy and enthusiasm, alongside fears of inadequacy or concerns about meeting the child’s needs (Brodzinsky et al., 1998). These emotions, often coexisting, are part of the adjustment process and require spaces for elaboration.

For the child, adoption may represent new hope but also reactivate fears of loss or rejection. The consistent and predictable presence of adults supports the child through such uncertainties, laying the foundation for secure attachment.

Grandparents may feel a mixture of joy, pride, and initial confusion. When acknowledged and supported, their emotional involvement becomes a valuable affective resource for the whole family.

Building Belonging Within the Extended Family System

Integrating an adopted child is not limited to the nuclear family: the extended system must also renegotiate roles and boundaries. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and other members play an essential role in incorporating the child into relational networks and offering coherent messages of recognition (Howe, 2014).

Coherence between family and social messages acts as a protective factor. When schools, friends, and the broader community welcome the adoptive story without stereotypes, the child can develop a stable and positive sense of belonging. The social environment thus contributes to shaping the identity narrative and supporting developmental pathways.

Inclusion within the extended family reinforces the emotional support network, providing multiple spaces where the child can experience security, recognition, and affection. This plurality of bonds contributes to the construction of a broad and articulated secure base.

The Cultural Dimension in Adoption

When a child comes from a different cultural background, the family is called to integrate an additional level of complexity. Embracing the child's traditions, cultural references, and ethnic identity not only protects them but also enriches the family history (Lee, 2003). Bicultural identity becomes a resource that expands the worldview of all generations.

Preventing discrimination or microaggressions is a crucial family task. Parents must cultivate an environment that recognizes and values diversity, providing the child with tools to face possible social challenges.

Integrating diverse cultures ultimately makes the family richer and more complex, expanding the meanings of generational continuity. When welcomed with openness, cultural diversity becomes a bridge between origins, identities, and belonging.

Bibliographic References 

Brodzinsky, D. M., Schechter, M. D., & Henig, R. M. (1998). Being adopted: The lifelong search for self. Anchor Books.

Carter, B., & McGoldrick, M. (2005). The expanded family life cycle: Individual, family, and social perspectives (3rd ed.). Allyn & Bacon.

Grotevant, H. D. (1997). Coming to terms with adoption: The construction of identity from adolescence into adulthood. Adoption Quarterly, 1(1), 3–27.

Grotevant, H. D., & McDermott, J. M. (2014). Adoption: Biological and social processes linked to adaptation. Annual Review of Psychology, 65, 235–265.

Howe, D. (2014). Adoption across the lifespan. Palgrave Macmillan.

Lee, R. M. (2003). The transracial adoption paradox: History, research, and counseling implications. The Counseling Psychologist, 31(6), 711–744.

Palacios, J., & Brodzinsky, D. M. (2010). Adoption research: Trends, topics, outcomes. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 34(3), 270–284.

Prati, G., & Pietrantoni, L. (2016). Famiglie adottive e resilienza. Il Mulino.

Scabini, E., & Cigoli, V. (2000). Il familiare: Legami, simboli e transizioni. Raffaello Cortina Editore.

Schachter, E. P., & Ben-Zvi-Assaraf, O. (2021). Narrative identity in family contexts. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 13(2), 266–283.